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Lễ Gia Tiên

What Is a Vietnamese Tea Ceremony?

The tea ceremony is the heart of a Vietnamese wedding. Before the altar, the couple honors their ancestors, thanks their parents and elders, and receives the blessings that formally unite two families.

  • Honor Ancestors
  • Unite Two Families
  • Thank Parents & Elders
  • Receive Blessings

Where the Tea Ceremony Takes Place

Less Common Today

Lễ Đính Hôn

Engagement Ceremony

The groom's family formally asks for the bride's hand in marriage. Today it is mostly kept by very traditional families.

Most Common

Lễ Vu Quy

The Bride's Farewell

The groom's family arrives at the bride's home with mâm quả gift trays to ask for her hand. Once accepted, the tea ceremony begins and both families bless the couple.

Often Combined

Lễ Tân Hôn

Welcome at the Groom's Home

The groom's mother welcomes the bride into the family home, accepting her as her new daughter-in-law.

In the U.S.

Many families simplify the day into one morning at the bride's home and skip the visit to the groom's house. In short, the tea ceremony can happen at any of the three, but it is most often part of Lễ Vu Quy and Lễ Tân Hôn.

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Lễ Vu Quy · Lễ Đính Hôn

The Order of Events

A traditional tea ceremony at the bride's home usually unfolds in eight moments.

  1. 1

    The Groom's Family Arrives

    The groom's family arrives carrying mâm quả offering trays. Their spokesperson meets the bride's representative at the door and asks permission to begin.

  2. 2

    Exchange of Gifts

    Bridesmaids line up at the entrance to receive the trays from the groomsmen. After photos, the gifts are carried inside and placed before the family altar.

  3. 3

    Introductions & the Bride's Entrance

    Both families introduce themselves. The bride's mother escorts her in, the groom presents her bouquet, and the elders share words of blessing.

  4. 4

    Ancestral Worship

    The couple lights incense and bows at the family altar, asking their ancestors to bless the marriage.

  5. 5
    Optional

    Exchange of Rings

    Couples may exchange wedding bands now, unless the rings are saved for a later church or Western ceremony.

  6. 6
    The Heart of the Day

    The Tea Ceremony

    The couple serves tea to parents and elders as a sign of gratitude and respect, receiving advice, blessings, and often gifts of jewelry or money.

  7. 7

    Family & Couple Portraits

    Before anyone heads to lunch, families gather at the altar for group photos, followed by the wedding party and portraits of the couple in their áo dài.

  8. 8

    The Lunch Celebration

    Both families sit down to a celebratory meal, sharing food and conversation to celebrate the union of two families.

Ngày Lành Tháng Tốt

Choosing the Right Date

For many Vietnamese families, the wedding date is chosen for luck, not just availability. Parents or elders often ask a monk, fortune teller, or the lunar calendar for an auspicious date and hour based on the couple's birth years.

Plan Ahead

Once elders choose a date, it is often non-negotiable, and the groom's family may be asked to arrive at a specific hour. Many families also avoid the seventh lunar month. Ask your family for the date and time early, then reserve your venue and vendors right away.

One Day or Two?

Saves Time & Cost

Same Day

Tea ceremony in the morning, reception at night

One day of hair, makeup, photography, and videography keeps costs down and makes logistics simpler for your family and guests.

Best With a Church Ceremony

Separate Days

Tea ceremony on its own day

With a church ceremony also on the schedule, a separate day gives you more time for family photos and takes the rush out of moving between events.

Honor tradition, keep it manageable, and plan early. Either way, your day will reflect your love and your heritage.

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Mâm Quả

What Goes on the Gift Trays?

At the engagement (Lễ Đính Hôn) and on the wedding morning (Lễ Vu Quy), the groom's family presents gifts on red covered trays called mâm quả. Each one expresses respect for the bride's family and hopes for a happy, prosperous marriage.

  • 01

    Trầu Cau

    Betel Leaves & Areca Nuts

    Love, loyalty, and unity. The most essential tray of all.

  • 02

    Trà & Rượu

    Tea & Wine

    Respect, and the joining of two families.

  • 03

    Bánh Phu Thê

    Husband & Wife Cakes

    Sweetness, fidelity, and a lasting marriage.

  • 04

    Trái Cây

    Fruit

    Fertility, prosperity, and blessings.

  • 05

    Heo Quay

    Roasted Pig

    Wealth, luck, and happiness.

  • 06

    Bánh Kẹo & Mứt

    Sweets & Candied Fruit

    A joyful, sweet future together.

  • 07

    Nến Long Phụng

    Dragon & Phoenix Candles

    Husband and wife in harmony, and eternal love.

  • 08

    Trang Sức Vàng

    Gold Jewelry

    Wealth and stability. Often placed on the bride by the groom's mother during the ceremony.

Odd Numbers

Families usually bring an odd number of trays, such as 5, 7, or 9, which is considered lucky.

Lại Quả

The bride's family keeps the gifts but returns a small portion to the groom's family as a gesture of goodwill.

Decorative wedding setup with a table of offerings and floral arrangements in front of a backdrop with Vietnamese text and symbols, including the red double happiness symbol.
Heart-shaped cookies with white icing and geometric patterns, placed in a red bowl with small white flowers around them, next to a bowl of assorted fruit including apples and Asian pears.
A red circular tray filled with various fresh fruits including apples, pears, oranges, a dragon fruit, and a pomegranate, decorated with small white flowers, placed on a white table with red and gold decorative items and orange fabric in the backgrou
Red baskets containing bottled drinks, wrapped gifts, apples, and oranges, decorated with white baby's breath flowers, on a white tablecloth.
Red baskets filled with small wrapped packages, some tied with colored rubber bands, and white baby’s breath flowers, possibly for a celebration or gift display.
Gift boxes wrapped in green paper with ribbons, surrounded by small white flowers, with orange satin cloths and more wrapped gifts in the background.
Orange basket filled with green eggs decorated with red Chinese characters, topped with white baby's breath flowers and a red ribbon.
A silver teapot and a small matching cup and container are arranged on an orange tray with a red cloth and decorative items, part of a festive display.
A roasted pig lying on a table covered with red plastic wrap, with a Chinese-themed backdrop and various dishes and decorations for a celebration.

The Wedding Morning

The Preparation

Traditionally, the bride and groom spend the morning apart, each getting ready at their own family's home before the tea ceremony begins.

At Her Parents' Home

The Bride

Gets ready with hair, makeup, and her áo dài, while her family prepares the altar and the home to welcome the groom's family.

At His Parents' Home

The Groom

Gets ready while his family gathers the sính lễ, the betrothal gifts of roast pig, fruit, cakes, and jewelry carried on the mâm quả trays.

Photo Tip

If both homes are part of your day, plan travel time between them and consider two photographers so neither morning is missed.

Seven women dressed in traditional Vietnamese áo dài, standing in front of a pink flower backdrop with a double happiness symbol, celebrating a special occasion.
Decorated table with various offerings and floral arrangements for a traditional Vietnamese wedding ceremony with a backdrop featuring vows, date, and names.
A group of seven women, six dressed in matching light blue dresses with sheer sleeves, standing in front of pink curtains with a floral backdrop and red double happiness symbol, celebrating a wedding or special occasion.
Wedding reception sign with floral decoration and green curtains in the background.
Decorated dining table with white tablecloth, green runner, and gold chairs, set for celebration with dishes, scrolls, and greenery, in a room with a high ceiling, wooden floor, and green and white backdrop for a special event.
A group of eight young Vietnamese men dressed in traditional áo dài, with one man in an orange áo dài, standing in a decorated room for a wedding celebration. Behind them is a backdrop with red and white flowers, a red circular symbol, and red Vietna
Seven men in traditional Vietnamese attire standing together at a celebration, with a decorated background featuring a red double happiness symbol and red and white text.
A house decorated for a wedding with a floral archway that has a sign reading 'Vì Quý'; a portrait of a couple in wedding attire on an easel; and floral arrangements in front of the house's brick pathway and garden.
Group of seven women dressed in traditional Vietnamese áo dài, standing in front of a pink floral backdrop with a red double happiness symbol. The women are smiling and holding hands. To the right, there are gold-colored decorative letters and small
Step 1 10 to 15 Minutes

The Groom's Arrival

The groom, his family, and close friends travel together to the bride's home. A representative of the groom's family, usually a respected elder, knocks on the door and asks the bride's parents for permission to enter and receive the bride.

Once the bride's family agrees, the bridesmaids line up outside facing the groomsmen, and the mâm quả gift trays are passed from each groomsman to a bridesmaid.

Who Walks In

  1. Bridesmaids with the Gifts
  2. Groom's Parents
  3. The Groom
  4. Close Family
  5. Groomsmen

Good to Know

The tea ceremony is usually held in the living room, so space is tight. Bridesmaids and groomsmen stand toward the back to leave room for immediate family.

Line of people waiting outside a house, dressed for a wedding, with some holding pillows and flowers, under large trees on a cloudy day.
A young man in a red traditional Vietnamese áo dài holding a bouquet of white roses, standing on a sidewalk with his parents, during a wedding or celebration, with trees and a group of people in the background.
A man in a dark suit holding a folded red cloth walking in line with others during a formal outdoor event in a residential neighborhood.
A person in a black jacket and cap stands in front of graffiti art on an Urban wall, with graffiti covering the background.
A wedding ceremony outdoors with five people, two men shaking hands, a woman in a dress watching, and a man in a suit holding a red cloth, surrounded by greenery.
A man in a black suit is giving a speech while holding a microphone and a paper during an outdoor wedding ceremony. Several women in light blue dresses are standing behind him, and another man in a dark suit is holding a wrapped gift. The scene is se
A man in a black suit with a pink boutonniere speaking with a group of three men and two women at an outdoor wedding reception in front of a house. The man holding a microphone is smiling.
A young man in a red traditional outfit holding a bouquet of white flowers, standing between an older woman and an older man, both dressed formally with orange corsages, outdoors in a park with greenery and trees in the background.
A young man dressed in traditional red attire carrying a bouquet of white flowers outdoors, with two older adults in formal clothing walking behind him near a parked car and houses.
A wedding reception scene outdoors with people standing in two lines, dressed in formal attire, and a groom presenting a roasted pig. The background features trees and a house with a decorative archway.
A couple dressed in traditional attire exchange a gift at an outdoor wedding ceremony. They are surrounded by smiling men in suits and a floral wedding arch in the background.
Young man and woman exchanging gifts at a wedding ceremony outdoors, with other guests in the background and a decorated floral arch.
People participating in a traditional Vietnamese wedding ceremony exchanging red and gold trays.
A traditional outdoor ceremony with people dressed in formal attire, holding orange cloth-covered items, with a backdrop of trees and a decorated arch.
A man and a woman, dressed in traditional Vietnamese attire, hold a red cloth-wrapped item during a cultural celebration outdoors, with other people in similar attire and a photo display in the background.
A group of people in suits participating in a traditional Asian wedding ceremony outdoors, carrying a roasted pig on a wooden platter, with a decorated pig head in front, and a large covered dish in the background.
Group of people holding red satin-covered wedding trays during an outdoor wedding ceremony, with a floral arch and large trees in the background.
Step 2 10 Minutes

The Introductions

The groom's representative formally states the purpose of the visit and introduces the groom's family. Some families also present each mâm quả tray and explain its meaning.

The bride's representative then accepts the gifts, introduces the bride's family, and officially welcomes the groom's side into their home.

Order of Speeches

  1. Purpose of the Visit
  2. Groom's Family Introduced
  3. Gifts Presented (Optional)
  4. Gifts Accepted
  5. Bride's Family Introduced

Good to Know

Each family usually chooses an uncle or elder who speaks well to represent them. In bilingual families, many representatives speak in both Vietnamese and English so every guest can follow along.

A man in a beige suit is speaking into a microphone at a Vietnamese wedding ceremony, surrounded by family members, with a decorative Asian wedding backdrop in pink and red.
A group of well-dressed people, mostly older, attending a formal event or celebration indoors. They are standing close together, some clapping, wearing corsages, and appear to be engaged and smiling.
Group of people in formal attire at a celebration, smiling and clapping, with a decorated background and a table with traditional offerings.
A group of elderly people in formal attire standing together at a celebration, some clapping and others listening, with a man holding a microphone on the left side of the image.
A group of traditionally dressed and formally dressed people standing together during a wedding ceremony, with a person on the right holding a microphone and reading from a paper, in a room decorated with pink flowers and wedding symbols.
Group of people in formal attire gathered around a table with a roasted pig at a traditional Asian celebration, with pink flowers and decorative items in the background.
Man in dark suit laying offers on an altar at a traditional Chinese wedding ceremony
Step 3 10 Minutes

The Formalities

Representatives from both families light the candles and bow before the altar to honor the ancestors. In many families, the two mothers light the dragon and phoenix candles together as a symbol of the families uniting.

The bride's father then announces her entrance, and her mother escorts her out to meet the groom and his family. The couple lights incense and bows before the altar to ask their ancestors for blessings, and often bows to their parents and to each other in gratitude.

The Sequence

  1. Candles Lit at the Altar
  2. The Bride's Entrance
  3. Couple Lights Incense
  4. Bows to Altar, Parents & Each Other
  5. Ring Exchange (Optional)

About the Rings

Many couples exchange rings here. If a church or Western ceremony is planned, rings are often saved for that moment instead.

A group of people celebrating a special occasion, with a woman in a red dress walking through a living room surrounded by family and friends.
A couple in red traditional Vietnamese wedding attire exchanging a bouquet during a wedding ceremony, with family members witnessing and a decorated backdrop with a double happiness symbol in the background.
Couple in traditional red attire during wedding ceremony, with woman holding a bouquet of white flowers, standing in front of a pink floral backdrop with Chinese decorations.
A man in a gray suit participating in a traditional Asian wedding ceremony, raising an object towards a pink floral altar decorated with gold ornaments, flowers, and a double happiness symbol, with guests observing and taking photos in the background
People standing in a line at a celebration, with a table of food and decorations on the right side.
A traditional Vietnamese wedding banquet with elders presenting offering food and symbolic items on a decorated altar, surrounded by guests.
Man in a gray suit performing a traditional ritual with incense during a celebration, surrounded by table with food, fruits, and decorative items, with guests watching in the background.
A traditional Chinese wedding ceremony with a man in a gray suit lighting a candle on an altar, surrounded by red candles, a roasted pig, fruits, and flowers, with guests watching in the background.
People participating in a traditional Asian ceremonial prayer around a table with food and offerings, including a roasted pig, fruits, and beverages in a decorated indoor setting.
People participating in a traditional Vietnamese wedding ceremony, offering prayers and blessings at an altar decorated with flowers, candles, and offerings.
Step 4 20 to 30 Minutes

The Heart of the Day

The Tea Ceremony

The best man holds the tea tray while the bride and groom carefully pour tea into small cups. Together, they serve the tea with both hands, beginning with the eldest family members, such as grandparents, then parents from both sides.

After drinking the tea, each family member offers the couple gifts along with words of wisdom, encouragement, and heartfelt blessings for their new life together.

Who Is Served

  1. Grandparents
  2. Parents
  3. Aunts, Uncles & Elders

Good to Know

Gifts are usually red envelopes or gold jewelry, and the giver often places the jewelry on the bride right away. Time depends on family size, so plan closer to 30 minutes for large families.

Vietnamese wedding ceremony with a woman and man in traditional red attire, and an older man in a suit, surrounded by guests observing the ritual.
People attending a traditional Vietnamese wedding ceremony in a decorated room with pink and red accents, flowers, and a prominent double happiness symbol on the pink wall backdrop.
A Vietnamese family participating in a traditional tea ceremony during a wedding celebration, with family members seated and a woman in a red ao dai offering tea.
A traditional Vietnamese wedding ceremony indoors with family and friends. The couple's parents are seated in the center, exchanging gifts. The room is decorated with pink curtains, floral arrangements, and red accents, including a backdrop with a do
People participating in a traditional wedding ceremony, with the bride and groom dressed in red, performing a ritual as a woman places a bracelet on the bride's wrist.
A woman in a blue traditional dress is placing a ring on a woman's finger in a red traditional dress during a ceremony at a gathering or celebration.
A traditional Chinese wedding ceremony showing a bride and groom in red clothing, with an older woman placing a necklace on the bride. The groom holds a red envelope while the woman helps the bride with jewelry.
A woman in a blue dress places a ring on a young woman's finger during a traditional ceremony, with others in the background.
A woman wearing a red traditional dress is hugging and presenting a gift to a man in a gray suit at a celebration or wedding reception.
Two women hugging at a celebration, with one wearing a red dress and the other wearing a blue outfit, in a decorated room with red and pink decor.
Step 5 10 to 20 Minutes

The Family Portraits

Lining up in front of the altar or a decorated backdrop is an absolute must at a Vietnamese wedding. Take these photos right after the tea ceremony, while everyone is still together and before guests head to the reception.

If the living room is too tight for larger groups, step outside. Natural light makes a beautiful setting for big family photos.

How We Keep It Moving

  1. Shot List Planned Ahead
  2. Elders Photographed First
  3. Small Groups to Large
  4. Families Released to Celebrate

Good to Know

Before the wedding, we build a family photo list with you, so grandparents can rest early and no one is left out. Plan closer to 20 minutes for large families.

A wedding group photo with six people standing in front of a pink curtain backdrop. The bride and groom are in the center, both wearing traditional red outfits. The bride holds a bouquet of white flowers, and the groom has his arm around her. The old
A wedding couple dressed in traditional Vietnamese áo dài, standing with two women in colorful dresses, all smiling in front of a decorated pink backdrop with a double happiness symbol for a wedding celebration.
Group of people gathered at a wedding celebration, with a bride and groom in traditional red attire standing in the center. The background features pink and white decorations and a floral backdrop.
A group of people dressed in traditional Vietnamese attire, standing for a photo at a celebration or wedding in a decorated indoor setting. The background has pink curtains, a floral wall hanging, and Vietnamese decorations.
A group of seven people, including a bride and groom, standing together at a wedding celebration indoors. The bride is holding a bouquet of white flowers. The background features pink floral decorations and pink curtains, with wedding-themed signs an
A group of six people standing in a line at a wedding celebration, with pink curtains and floral decorations in the background. The bride and groom are in the center, dressed in red traditional outfits, holding a bouquet. The other four individuals a
Step 6 15 to 20 Minutes

Wedding Party & Couple Portraits

It isn't every day the whole family dresses in traditional áo dài, which makes the tea ceremony a perfect moment for portraits. The bride often wears a red or gold áo dài with a khăn vành headpiece, and many grooms wear a matching áo dài and khăn đóng.

Once family photos wrap up, we gather the wedding party for group photos, then take the bride and groom for a few quiet portraits of their own.

Portrait Order

  1. Full Wedding Party
  2. Bridesmaids & Groomsmen
  3. Bride & Groom

Photo Tip

Plan these portraits before changing into reception attire. You may only wear your áo dài once, and these images become family heirlooms.

A couple dressed in traditional Vietnamese clothing stands under a floral wedding arch in front of a house, smiling at each other. The woman holds a bouquet, and the man has his arm around her. There is a large wedding photo on an easel to the right
A smiling couple dressed in red traditional clothing walking hand in hand outside under a floral arch with a sign that says "VuQuy." The woman holds a bouquet of white flowers, and they are surrounded by greenery and potted plants in a garden setting
A couple dressed in traditional Vietnamese áo dài, sharing a kiss under a floral wedding arch with the words "Vu Quy" written on it, in a garden setting with a photo of the couple on an easel in the background.
Group of people dressed in traditional attire, standing outdoors in front of a decorated arch with flowers and the text 'VuQuy' in the center, under a large tree in a residential neighborhood.
A group of seven people, six men and one woman, standing outdoors in front of a floral wedding arch, dressed in traditional attire. The woman in the center is wearing a red Vietnamese áo dài dress and holding a bouquet of white flowers, smiling at th
A group of men in traditional Vietnamese attire celebrating at an outdoor wedding, with a floral arch behind them and a house in the background.
Group of women celebrating outdoors in front of a floral arch at a wedding event, with one woman in a red dress holding a bouquet.
A group of women in teal dresses and one woman in a red dress smiling together at an outdoor wedding reception, standing under a floral arch with a sign that says 'Vui Quý'.
Two women standing under a floral archway with a sign that says "Vui Quy." One woman is wearing a red traditional dress, and the other is wearing a light blue dress. They are smiling and embracing each other, holding bouquets of flowers.
A couple dressed in traditional Vietnamese wedding attire standing under a floral archway with a sign that reads 'Vu Que' during an outdoor celebration.
A woman in a red dress holding white flowers, sitting on a man's knee during an outdoor wedding or engagement ceremony. The man in a traditional dress is kneeling with arms crossed. There is a floral arch behind them with a sign that says "U Quý." In
Step 7 45 to 60 Minutes

The Lunch Reception

The tea ceremony ends with a celebratory meal, where both families finally relax, get to know one another, and enjoy Vietnamese food and desserts together.

This shared meal symbolizes the union of two families and the beginning of their new connection. Many families host it at home with catering, while others move to a nearby restaurant.

Planning Tip

Hosting an evening reception the same day? Leave time after lunch for the couple to rest, refresh hair and makeup, and change before the celebration continues.

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From Our Experience

Tips for a Smooth Tea Ceremony

Eight simple habits that keep the morning calm and the photos beautiful.

  1. 01 Planning

    Plan Around the Altar

    The altar location matters to parents and is rarely flexible, and it is often in a small room. If decorators add a table and chairs for elders, use it for the first photos, then move it aside so we can capture the couple full length.

  2. 02 Planning

    Decorate the Day Before

    Set up the altar and clear extra furniture ahead of time. A ready room lets us capture candid moments instead of family members rushing to decorate.

  3. 03 Planning

    Choose a Ceremony Leader

    Pick one person from each family to lead, and make sure both know the order of events. Talk through any differences with parents in advance so everyone is on the same page.

  4. 04 Photo Tip

    Stand Tall

    Keep your back straight, chest lifted, and shoulders relaxed. A quick practice in the mirror helps you feel confident and look your best.

  5. 05 Photo Tip

    Make Jewelry Easy

    Clasps take time and pieces can drop. Let the giver place the jewelry for photos and video, and have a bridesmaid ready to fasten everything securely.

  6. 06 Photo Tip

    Remember to Smile

    It is easy to get caught up in each task. A gentle reminder to yourself and your family to smile makes a big difference in the photos.

  7. 07 Photo Tip

    Pause for Gift Photos

    Invite each relative to pause for a photo as they present their gift. Ask someone to collect the envelopes so they stay out of the pictures.

  8. 08 Photo Tip

    Photos Before Lunch

    Finish family, wedding party, and couple portraits before the meal. Once guests sit down to eat, outfits wrinkle and energy for photos fades.

Follow these steps and your tea ceremony will run smoothly and look beautiful in every photo.

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